The Beginning of a Quest






Have you ever wanted to begin what you knew was going to be a long journey, one that would test your physical, mental and emotional limits, but the challenge appeared so daunting that you couldn’t motivate yourself to take the first step?

Maybe you’re a jogger who religiously follows an exercise regimen, running a few miles every morning in an attempt to stay in shape and battle the effects of gravity on your aging body. As you lumber down your local streets, perhaps you’ve dreamed of participating in the New York City Marathon the first Sunday in November, of pushing your way across the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge, winding between the five boroughs, being cheered by the 2 million fans along the route, finally entering Central Park with three miles to go and sprinting toward the finishing line at Tavern on the Green, being one of 34,000 people to complete the course.

But you know that, in order to complete the 26.2 mile course, you’d have to double or triple your training for the next six months. Such a commitment would entail getting up earlier, sleeping less, devoting fewer hours at work and not spending as much time in front of the Electronic Dream Stealer (the television set) with your family. You might even have to change your diet, eating less and more nutritiously, shedding a few pounds of fat and replacing it with muscle. And of course you’d have to finance the cost of traveling to New York and staying in one of those swanky hotels.

Comfort breeds complacency, so you begin to rationalize. You tell yourself that you don’t have the time; that your wife or kids or boss wouldn’t want you to make that kind of sacrifice. So you put your dream on the back shelf “for them,” never admitting that it is you who is unwilling to make the sacrifice; it is you who is unwilling to make the commitment necessary to participate in such an endeavor.

That’s somewhat the dilemma I’ve been facing for the last year. As I head inexorably toward my 50th birthday (reaching what could optimistically be described as the halfway point of my life), I’ve spent a great deal of time trying to figure out exactly what I want to accomplish during the years I have remaining.

For some time now, I’ve believed that people should lead their lives by what I call the “tombstone test.” By that, I mean that you should identify what you want inscribed on your gravestone after you’re dead, then dedicate the rest of your life to validating that inscription. For me, the four words I want written on my marker are “He Made A Difference.” I couldn’t imagine anything worse than living out my existence without having left my imprint on the world; without having anyone remember that I had been here. That’s why I’m a joiner. That’s why I get involved in so many groups (and end up running most of them before I move on to something new). I’ve spent years as an elected and appointed public official, and as a volunteer for countless community organizations, all with the purpose of “leaving my mark” and making a lasting contribution toward the betterment of my little corner of the world.

I’ve never been a farmer, but I’ve always subscribed to the concept of stewardship, wherein the obligation of each generation is to leave its land better than the way they received it. It’s not a legal requirement, it’s a moral duty – which in my eyes is far more important.

I’ve also believed that those who choose not participate forfeit the right to complain. It amazes me that so many citizens gripe about the politicians in Washington, but fewer than half bother going to the polls to vote. If you don’t like what your elected officials are doing, you need to let them know about it. Congressmen and others public officials understand that for every letter they receive from a constituent, there are 10 or 20 more people who think the same way, but didn’t take the time to write. And after having voiced your concerns, if you still don’t like what your elected official is doing, you should either identify someone whose philosophy you admire and work to get that person elected, or run for office yourself!

Do you know what an epiphany is? It’s like a lightning bolt out of the blue -- the proverbial lightbulb going off over your head. It’s like a sudden flash, when you finally recognize something that’s been bubbling just below the surface. For the last year or two, I’ve been looking for a personal epiphany, searching for the next mountain to climb, the next cause to believe in, the next challenge to surmount. To be honest, life’s been too good lately, and I’ve settled into a comfort zone, with plenty of money, lots of golf and relatively no stress. I’ve needed something to shake me from my lethargy -- and I believe I’ve found it. I wouldn’t exactly call it a thunderbolt, but I had one of those “moments of clarity” when everything seemed to make sense and fall into place. After a great deal of reflection, I’ve finally seen a way that I can meld my personal philosophy of life with the skills I have developed over my lifetime to make a final and lasting contribution to society.

It starts with me writing two words. Here goes.

Personal responsibility.

There, it’s done. I have taken the first step in my own individual marathon. Beginning today, and continuing for the foreseeable future, I plan to participate in a crusade that teaches individuals the difference between responsible and irresponsible action, and exhorts them to exercise more personal responsibility in the way they lead their daily lives. For however long I am privileged to hang around this spinning orb, I’m going to write and speak about the need for people to take control over their lives.

Why? Because it strikes me that a majority of the problems we as a society face have been brought about because individuals would rather sit back and blame someone else for their shortcomings than work to solve the problem. In far too many ways, life has become too easy for too many people, leading to a generation of individuals ill-equipped to deal with the challenges of life. In our attempt to help people, we have actually hurt them.

We as a society have properly created a safety net to protect our most vulnerable citizens. Unfortunately, some self-professed “kind, caring and compassionate” individuals have made that net so large that it has reached out and ensnared those who did not require its protection. And in many instances, they’ve made the net so soft and comfortable that many people who land in it have little desire to climb out.

The same can be said of parental “support.” Too often these days, parents are shielding their children from the realities of life, giving them more than they need and not expecting enough in return. In their effort to give their kids a better lifestyle than they had growing up, they are actually hindering their development and making it more difficult for those youngsters to become self-reliant.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not cruel and heartless. I’m as empathetic as the next guy. I just happen to believe that the best thing you can do for someone is to help them stand on their own two feet. Give people a hand up, not a handout. Toss them a fishing pole and teach them how to fish, don’t toss them a mackerel. Like it or not, life is Darwinian – it’s survival of the fittest. If you really care about the long-term best interest of your children, you’ll increase their responsibilities as quickly as possible and teach them both self-determination and self-reliance.

Government policies and family life aren’t the only places where personal responsibility has taken a shellacking lately. In recent years, the workplace seems to have become a place to duck opportunity and sidestep initiative, rather than use challenges as footsteps to advancement. When I was young and dumb (and I say that in a positive light, remembering with fondness how my naivete didn’t stop me from tackling projects others might have discouraged me from taking on), I volunteered for evening and weekend duties, so that I could capture the eye of someone higher up and gain advancement. As a beginning newspaper reporter, I thought nothing of working 80 hours a week and pumping out three or four stories a day; I was thrilled that someone would actually pay me to do something I loved.

Today, most of the people I run into look like they’re serving a 45-year sentence, checking into their Personal Prison when they’re 20 and checking out when they’re 65. In-between, they portray their version of walking zombies, doing the same thing day after week after month after year. They work from 8 until 5 so they can go home and curl up in front of the TV for a few hours before falling asleep. They work from Monday until Friday so they can mow the lawn on Saturday morning and watch the football game on Sunday afternoon. They work 50 weeks a year so they can take two weeks off in the summer -- usually staying at home because they can’t afford to go anywhere. And they work those 45 years with hopes of retiring comfortably, only to end up dead, disabled or broke.

There’s an unfortunate phrase that seems to have gained popularity in recent years. It goes, “there is no black and white, only varying shades of gray.” All too often, it is used by half-hearted, uncommitted people to discount the absolutes in life. I firmly and respectfully disagree. There is a difference between right and wrong. There is a difference between responsibility and irresponsibility, between being productive and being unproductive. Like it or not, there is a difference between skinny and fat, between rich and poor and between young and old. Attempts to move toward the “lowest common denominator,” in which all acts are considered equal, just different, detracts from excellence and legitimizes mediocrity.

I really believe that the so-called X and Y Generations, those who take over the leadership of our nation and our world once we baby-boomers move on, are at a distinct disadvantage, due to the lack of practical advice they received in their formative years. The best and brightest are learning the hard way, through trial and error (and error and error and error), but a great many have been stymied by real-life situations that didn’t go the way they had anticipated. The formula they had expected does not compute. They thought they could slough their way through school and still get a quality job and have a nice life, but they’ve found that their dreams were predicated on a lie. Nobody’s there to pick them up when they fall down. They’re stuck in situations of their own doing; they’re discovering that their actions (or lack thereof) reap reactions, whether they like them or not.

In the coming weeks, months and years, I intend to use this space as an opportunity to develop a “Manifesto of Personal Responsibility for the 21st Century.” Whether anyone reads it, appreciates it or benefits from it will remain to be seen. But as for me, I know that my marathon has now begun. It may not always be pretty; I know there will be times when I stumble and fall. But the journey is now underway. All I have to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward, and eventually I’ll reach the finish line.


Copyright © Mister Personal Responsibility, Inc. 2003. All rights reserved. No republication allowed without the written consent of the author


Previous Articles

Determine Your Beliefs
Personal Experience
Half a Loaf
Compromising on Strong Opinions
Economics
Short Shots
The Budget Season
The Lesson
Deserted By My Party

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About the Author;
Vic Ellison, Apple Valley, Minnesota, is the father of three and the grandfather of two, and has been married for 25 years. Vic is an independent businessman with extensive backgrounds in politics and writing. He can be reached at Vic@boomerjournals.com