Coffee With Maddie




If you have a dog or a cat, you probably know how territorial they can be. In the past 18 years we’ve had 3 dogs and at least 10 cats - not all at the same time thankfully. But whenever I’ve brought a new pet into the house, the existing ones get a bit crazy. They don’t appreciate another animal invading their space. Dogs and cats mark their territory and set up boundaries for the invader. We can learn from them.

In the past two weeks the issue of boundaries has come up too many times for me to ignore. A number of women in the small group I lead have mentioned the struggles they have with setting and keeping boundaries in their lives. They struggle enough that we’ve decided our next study will be based on the book Boundaries, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. I’ve also spent a fair amount of time with a friend and a family member who are dealing with relationship problems. One of the reasons they’re facing these challenges is due to their lack of boundaries.

Before I went through treatment for alcoholism, the whole idea of boundaries was foreign to me. I didn’t realize if people said or did things to hurt and/or annoy me, I could tell them to stop. I was way too busy trying to please everyone and control everything. That behavior led me to be exhausted most of the time and I drank alcohol to get numb and escape. In treatment and in counseling I learned that there’s a point where I end and others begin and the only person I can control is myself. In order to quit drinking I needed to learn to take care of myself and set up some healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries takes determination and courage. Once I set my mind to it though and successfully changed some areas of my life that needed changing, I felt better and freer to be who I really was. And do you know what? I like the changes and the new me. As long as I have relationships in my life, setting boundaries will be a process I continue to work on.

When I started thinking about all of this, I pulled out my boundary handout. It is a handout I’ve referenced many times during the past 12 years. A paragraph that I highlighted and circled has been key for me. It says, “The goal of having and setting boundaries isn’t to build thick walls around ourselves. The purpose is to gain enough security and sense of self to get close to others without the threat of losing ourselves, smothering them, trespassing, or being invaded. Boundaries are the key to loving relationships.” [No author was listed on the handout. I believe it is one that’s available through Al-Anon.] They certainly have been key to the relationships I value most.

Is there an area of your life that could benefit from some boundaries, from setting some limits with someone? Everyone could benefit from spending some time on this. Here’s a warning though - most of the people in your life will want you to stay just the way you are and not make changes. Once you make a change, they may do what they can to get you to change back. Do yourself a favor. When you set a boundary, be ready to enforce the limits. If you stay strong through the process, changes will happen!

Until next week . . . God bless you and yours! -Maddie

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Coffee With Maddie: Archive;
Blessings
Magazine Junkie!
Maddie Goes to College
Changes
Let the season begin!
Getting Older!
I'm Getting Fat!
I Love a good book!
Family Games
Manners!
Someone to Love
A Special Anniversary
New Year Goals
My Spinal Tap!
The Book Store
I Salute Our Men in Uniform
Valentine's Day
My Birthday Choices
Current Events and Politics
Cabin Fever
We Can Choose the Words We Use
Let's Get Organized!
Support Our Troops
Acts of Kindness
Find Something to Do!
Yippee, Spring!
Yo Dude
Mother's Day
Flylady
My Favorite Things!
Going Camping
Safety Tips for Women
Summer
Camping Vacation
Camping in Canada
Camping in Canada II
Feeling Your Age

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About the Author;
Maddie is a dear friend from the Midwest who will touch your heart with her gentle stories of home of family. You can just picture yourself at the kitchen table any early morning with Maddie, a fresh cup of coffee, maybe the smell of bacon in the air, and a log on the fire to take out the chill.

Talk to Maddie at ...
Maddie@boomerjournals.com